Houston humor for everyone
December 30th, 2006- You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Hugh-stun, not How-stun.
- Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules…. Hold on and pray.
- There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. They all drive like that.
- All directions start with, “Go down to Loop 610″…. which has no beginning and no end.
- The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a “Scenic Drive.”
- The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
- If you actually stop on a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
- When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic’s way. Of course, you will be honked at frequently.
- Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native.
- Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
- All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh we must be in Pasadena!”
- If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
- All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillac’s have total right-of-way.
- The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
- The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
- Never honk at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, “Keep honking, I’m reloading.” In fact, don’t honk at anyone.
- If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, that’s not a finger waving Hello to you as people pass.
- The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
- If it’s only 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
